Fiction is sold to literary agents or publishers by query letters after the book is written and polished. It’s an exciting and heartbreaking process that leaves an overwhelming number of authors doubting their ability to string more than two words together.

The sheer volume of rejection is staggering. If you’re a writer, and your query isn’t working, it might help to see what others are doing.

So the query posted below worked really well. I got 15 or 20 partial and full requests for the manuscript from literary agents, and it made it the editorial board of three indie publishers before a fourth FINALLY bought it.

So it’s probably a very good query, but not a great one. But ultimately, the book has to be better than the query, and Secrets of the Hotel Maisonneuve didn’t work for more than two dozen literary readers. But they all disliked it for different reasons, which didn’t help me improve it.

Anyway, here’s what I tried to do with my query:

1) I love dramatic opening lines. And I’m certain that I rewrote my first query sentence 50 times.

2) I tried to show that I’m a professional writer. It might be a little easier for me because of my education, but none of my degrees are in fiction, so emphasized things to get them to take a chance — education, fiction awards, competence.

3) This pitch was sent directly to editors at ECW, but in others, I tell the agent why they’re golden in a way that lets them know I’ve done my homework. So let them know you’ve done more than read a website blurb. It might be a reference to an article you read, or an accolade from an author you love in their acknowledgments, or a hint that you know they read manuscripts on the subway ride home. I easily spent 2-3 hours researching every agent I approached.

4) If you approach 5 or 10 agents without success, rewrite your query. The one that finally worked for me was draft fourteen.

Good luck!

Dear Ms. Smith and Ms. Amith:

Jacob Jollimore is having nightmares about a broken old woman with black-and-blue eyes, and that’s because he almost killed her. The accident is the worst thing yet in his endless, friendless summer. Jacob, a skinny, 13-year-old nerd, is adopted from Vietnam into a professional family. His once-successful parents have lost everything, so they’re starting over by renovating a dilapidated former hotel. It’s not enough that his father is a slave driver or that Jacob doesn’t know a soul in this seedy working-class neighborhood. No, he has to be chased by bully through a busy Montréal street, clip an old Vietnamese woman and send her to the hospital with a concussion, broken pelvis, and shattered arm. Now he can add caring for a spiteful septuagenarian to his list of miseries.

But in the midst of renovations, Jacob discovers a finely-crafted mystery in an old bureau. The puzzle box hides a letter, dated 1913, from Elliot Thompson, Esq. — another 13-year-old who loves Sherlock Holmes, baseball, conkers, and living in a ritzy hotel popular with traveling performers, politicians and explorers in Edwardian Montreal. Elliot loves a ripping adventure, so he sends Jacob on a treasure hunt through the crumbling mansion.

Jacob has found a fine friend in Elliot, and with each new challenge, he takes risks and discovers a new strength and confidence. The kid who enters grade eight in September at a new school has overcome an old lady’s hatred and learned that forgiveness is golden. 

The Secrets of the Hotel Maisonneuve is a 62,000-word late middle-grade adventure that garnered first place in the 2012 Atlantic Book Awards competition for unpublished manuscripts. I’m an award-winning journalist who holds a Governor-General’s Medal from the University of King’s College. I’m also a candidate for an MFA in creative nonfiction in 2015, and I have overcome a devastating illness during a devastating year to bring Jacob to you. 

Although I am querying other publishers and agents, I’m approaching you after talking to Jack David, who spoke to my MFA class in January during our Toronto publishing residency. He thinks the two of you are wonderful writers and editors, and he spoke about the energy you’re bringing to ECW, and your enthusiasm for juvenile fiction. I like the sound of that. I hope you like this story, and that you’ll appreciate the cultural diversity in this mystery, as Jacob’s family is mixed-race — his father is Jewish and his mother African-Canadian, and Jacob’s sister is their biological daughter. Each of my beta readers has commented on how much they’ve enjoyed seeing such devoted, caring parents, and the interactions between a brother and sister who genuinely like each other. 

I am excited by the prospects, and look forward to hearing from you. 

Warm regards,